ynot, I think I can figure it out. You found yourself staring at it for a long time and then suddenly realized how erotic you thought it was. You felt confused in your sexuality and eventually that disturbed you.
ultra, for fear of you being serious, i ask this with all due respect: how do we know you're not taking us for a ride? didn't you say something about climbing near mesquite? which gym was this at? why was he spotting at all if he was still broken? if you knew him well enough to boulder with him, why ask what happened on the board and not find out yourself?
assuming my questions are unfounded, my deepest to the family and let them know we'll help out any way we can. and please excuse my doubts.
and great loves will one day have to part -smashing pumpkins