RRC Archives

A doctor once told me this joke:

Question: What's brown and white and looks good on a lawyer?

Answer: A pit bull

If you are stranded on a desert island with Adolf Hitler, Atilla the Hun, and a lawyer, and you have a gun with only two bullets, what do you do?

Shoot the lawyer twice.

Told to me by a lawyer:

What do you have when you have a lawyer burried up to thier neck in sand?

Not enough sand.


What do you call 1,000 lawyers at the bottom of the sea?

A good start.

Given the recent bear thread, this seems appropriate...

Two lawyers walking through the woods spotted a vicious-looking bear. The first lawyer immediately opened his briefcase, pulled out a pair of sneakers and started putting them on.
The second lawyer looked at him and said, “You’re crazy -- you’ll never be able to outrun that bear!”

“I don’t have to,” the first lawyer replied. “I only have to outrun you.”

There's a dead dog and a dead lawyer in the middle of the road. What's the difference?




There are skid marks in front of the dog.

What do lawyers and sperm have in common?

Both have a one in a million chance of becoming human.

Two sharks are swimming. One shark says to shark two, "man you don't look so good." Shark two says "I know, I just don't feel like I have been getting the proper sustenance." Shark one says "but you've been eating the same thing I have, near that lawyer's office off the coast." Shark two says " I know, but it isn't enough." Shark one says, "how have you been eating them?" Shark two says "I grab them, pullthem under and shake the shit out of them." Shark one says "that's your problem! Once you shake the shit out of lawyers there's nothing left but shoes!"

Why do lawyers wear neckties?

To keep the foreskin off their face.

Compliments of Ho:
How many lawyers does it take to roof a house?
One or two ,but you have to slice them really thin.