Lawyer Jokes

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J-Rock
Posts: 1936
Joined: Tue Apr 13, 2004 9:30 pm

Lawyer Jokes

Post by J-Rock »

A doctor once told me this joke:

Question: What's brown and white and looks good on a lawyer?

Answer: A pit bull
"Those iron spikes you use have shortened the life expectancy of the Totem Pole by 50,000 years."

--A Navaho elder
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squeezindlemmon
Posts: 1452
Joined: Mon Apr 12, 2004 7:02 pm

Post by squeezindlemmon »

If you are stranded on a desert island with Adolf Hitler, Atilla the Hun, and a lawyer, and you have a gun with only two bullets, what do you do?

Shoot the lawyer twice.
Emancipate yourself from mental slavery. None but ourselves can free our mind. ~Bob Marley
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Wes
Posts: 6530
Joined: Thu Sep 19, 2002 3:46 pm

Post by Wes »

Told to me by a lawyer:

What do you have when you have a lawyer burried up to thier neck in sand?

Not enough sand.


What do you call 1,000 lawyers at the bottom of the sea?

A good start.
"There is no secret ingredient"

Po, the kung fu panda
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busty
Posts: 675
Joined: Mon Jun 02, 2003 1:52 pm

Post by busty »

Given the recent bear thread, this seems appropriate...

Two lawyers walking through the woods spotted a vicious-looking bear. The first lawyer immediately opened his briefcase, pulled out a pair of sneakers and started putting them on.
The second lawyer looked at him and said, “You’re crazy -- you’ll never be able to outrun that bear!”

“I don’t have to,” the first lawyer replied. “I only have to outrun you.”
I'm an experienced woman; I've been around... well, alright, I might not've been around, but I've been... nearby.
~ Mary Richards (Mary Tyler Moore Show)
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Jonathan
Posts: 147
Joined: Fri May 02, 2003 2:16 am

Post by Jonathan »

There's a dead dog and a dead lawyer in the middle of the road. What's the difference?




There are skid marks in front of the dog.
ain't no blood in my body, it's liquid soul in my veins... - Roots Manuva
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Meadows
Posts: 5395
Joined: Mon Jul 07, 2003 4:03 pm

Post by Meadows »

What do lawyers and sperm have in common?

Both have a one in a million chance of becoming human.
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maine
Posts: 343
Joined: Sun Dec 28, 2003 2:16 am

Post by maine »

:lol: :lol: :lol: :lol:
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Spragwa
Posts: 3650
Joined: Sat Jan 25, 2003 4:05 pm

Post by Spragwa »

Two sharks are swimming. One shark says to shark two, "man you don't look so good." Shark two says "I know, I just don't feel like I have been getting the proper sustenance." Shark one says "but you've been eating the same thing I have, near that lawyer's office off the coast." Shark two says " I know, but it isn't enough." Shark one says, "how have you been eating them?" Shark two says "I grab them, pullthem under and shake the shit out of them." Shark one says "that's your problem! Once you shake the shit out of lawyers there's nothing left but shoes!"
Jesus only knows that she tries too hard. She's only trying to keep the sky from falling.

-Everlast
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Spragwa
Posts: 3650
Joined: Sat Jan 25, 2003 4:05 pm

Post by Spragwa »

Why do lawyers wear neckties?

To keep the foreskin off their face.
Jesus only knows that she tries too hard. She's only trying to keep the sky from falling.

-Everlast
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ynot
Posts: 6432
Joined: Mon Oct 07, 2002 1:02 am

Post by ynot »

Compliments of Ho:
How many lawyers does it take to roof a house?
One or two ,but you have to slice them really thin.
"Everyone should have a plan for the zombie apocolipse" Courtney
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