Non-cool

Post by **SCIN** » Wed Jan 17, 2007 10:41 pm

Sport Climbers - overly competitive rich whiny fuckers
Trad Climbers - Wanna be athletes that smell like shit and have no muscles
Boulderers - little kids with high strength to weight but no endurance and are scared of heights.
Mountaineers - Suicidal egotistial fucks who like to pay 40K to walk up a snowy hill while breathing from bottled oxygen and walking past dying men.

Your turn.

Post by **pigsteak** » Wed Jan 17, 2007 11:20 pm

bolters...dudes pretending to be climbers, but afraid to ever get on the classic testpieces because they always have a new proj they are red tagging.

guidebook authors...abused as children, so looking for affirmation and glory in old age.

outdoor shop owners....wanna be dirtbags who pretend to disdain american commerce while taking our hard earned cash for runny eggs.

sport photographers....hiding behind the lense for fear that their lack of athletic ability will be exposed.

damn, this is a mean thread...and fun.

Post by **512OW** » Wed Jan 17, 2007 11:23 pm

Sport Climbers - number chasin faggots who can't carry heavy packs and think gear pulls out if you fall on it.

Trad Climbers - Ethical midgets who can't climb athletically so to compensate they carry heavy packs and play with gear.

Boulderers - Enduranceless idiots who've somehow convinced themselves that giant crashpads are less cumbersome than trad packs.

Mountaineers - Suit and tie jackasses who can't do any of the above, so they go where its cold enough to provide excuses for their poor fitness.

Post by **512OW** » Wed Jan 17, 2007 11:24 pm

White, Climbing Rappers - enough said.

Post by **Alan Evil** » Wed Jan 17, 2007 11:35 pm

Beat me to it, except I was gonna say white almost-rapper wannabe climbers...

Post by **RRO** » Wed Jan 17, 2007 11:35 pm

Sport Climbers Check List
Nuts Shaved- Check
35 Foot Stick Clip- Check
Redriverclimbing.com Spray Sheet and Rank Print Out-Check
Actual living and breathing testicles in nut sack- Not Check

Trad Climber Check List
Every piece of gear in oroduction to repeat shit that was done in 78 in sneakers and 2 hexes- Check
Redriverclimbing.com print out of all 5.8 and under choss piles-Check
Cigarettes, Beer and Safety Supplies-Check
Willingness to never become an athlete- Check

Boulders Check List-
76 inch pad to prevent any fall from actually being dangerous-Check
Posse of lower grade climbing friends to boost fragile ego and take as many pictures as possible-Check
Copy of every copy of Urban Climber and CLimberPodcast-Check
Treo to check friends list on myspace and update ultra sick proj pics real time-Check

Mountaineers Check List
Diary including days of terrible molestation and desertion to fuel one day push of death- Check
Co-workers at the office thinking I am a God cause I can hike altitude-Check
2 Cliff Bars, 17 Peanuts, 2 Ice Screws and a Daisy Chain-Check
Camera and satellite internet to broadcast pissing on dead guy on the trail-Check

White Climbing Rapper
1 Superman Tshirt thats to be worn at all times- Check
1 Friend that used to climb hard trad and let me belay him but now is a traveling door to door evangelist for the purity of sport chuffing- Check
A following of people that never fit in or went to prom on myspace- Check

Post by **lordjim_2001** » Wed Jan 17, 2007 11:45 pm

RRO wrote:...Copy of every copy of Urban Climber...

Hey!

I also have every copy of Alpinist too. Does that make me cool?

Coffee shop owner: sad old man who thinks that making french toast and toasted cheese at the same time is hard.

Post by **RRO** » Wed Jan 17, 2007 11:50 pm

Librarian Boulder- knowing every web site to obtain information for every question known to man while pretending to be smart and knowing this information on his own. Also thought to have been "climbing" for about 10 years but only being seen out once with shoes actually on.

Post by **512OW** » Thu Jan 18, 2007 12:08 am

Alan Evil wrote:Beat me to it, except I was gonna say white almost-rapper wannabe climbers...

Except I can outclimb you in my sleep, and we all remember what happened last time you challenged me...

Post by **512OW** » Thu Jan 18, 2007 12:10 am

RRO wrote:
White Climbing Rapper
1 Superman Tshirt thats to be worn at all times- Check
1 Friend that used to climb hard trad and let me belay him but now is a traveling door to door evangelist for the purity of sport chuffing- Check
A following of people that never fit in or went to prom on myspace- Check

Actually, you'll have to uncheck the shirt. I don't wear it anymore, but I replaced it with a miniature lunchbox that I carry at all times. You'll see it, don't worry...