RRC Archives

(guess who told me this one at Miguel's?)

Why do all the chicks dig Jesus?

/spread your arms out with your palms facing forward/

Cuz he's hung like this!

Did you here the one about Jesus on vacation?

He stops at a HoJo's, throws three spikes on the counter and says, "Can you put me up for the night?"

Let me follow that I love all jokes about all religions, atheists, scientists, and especially anything done by Gary Larson, one of the best equal opportunity offenders.

someone please tell an atheist joke or 3 so I don't feel guilty! (Carry over from my Catholic upbringing??)

A toast:

"Jesus paid for our sins. Let's be sure to get his money's worth"

What do you get when you cross an atheist with a Jehovahs Witness?.... Someone who knocks at your door for no apparent reason.

Funny, I have been looking for some good atheist jokes but can't find any really good ones. There are tons of jokes about everything else. I am sure I am just not looking in the best places and/or google is letting me down. Hopefully other people can give us some good ones.

here ya go:

An atheist complained to a Christian friend, "Christians have
their special holidays, such as Christmas and Easter; and Jews
celebrate their holidays, such as Passover and Yom Kippur;
Muslims have their holidays. EVERY religion has its holidays.

But we atheists," he said, "have no recognized holidays. It's
an unfair discrimination."

"What do you mean, atheists have no holidays," his friend replied,
"People have been observing a special day in your honor for years."

"I don't know what you're talking about," the atheist said, "When
is this special day honoring atheists?"

"April first."

An atheist was spending a quiet day fishing when suddenly his boat was attacked by the Loch Ness monster. In one easy flip, the beast tossed him and his boat high into the air. Then it opened its mouth to swallow both. As the man sailed head over heels, he cried out, "Oh, my God! Help me!" At once, the ferocious attack scene froze in place, and as the atheist hung in midair, a booming voice came down from the clouds, "I thought you didn't believe in Me?" "Come on God, give me a break!" the man pleaded. "Two minutes ago I didn't believe in the Loch Ness monster either!"

You heard the one about the dyslexic agnostic insomniac?

He couldn't sleep at night wondering if there was a dog.