sweet jesus

Post by **Paul3eb** » Sun Mar 27, 2005 7:04 am

so.. after jesus came back to life, a few questions:

-would you be a little freaked out?!
-did he have to piss like a racehorse or what?
-did he have terrible breath or did he just pop a mint (or nibble on some twigs)?
-did they bury him in the same clothes he had on him when he died on the cross? cause.. that'd be kind of gross. he was up there for a few days and lord knows he probably had to drop the kids off.. and there was definitely no pool..
-was jesus really ugly?
-did he have trouble getting it up afterwards? his sex life died long before he ever got nailed.. but i mean, he did go through puberty and all. what sort of dreams do you think he had when he had wet dreams? think he dreamed about mary (the hot one, the one that put out)?

these are all (semi)serious questions. any answers?

Post by **Sunshine** » Sun Mar 27, 2005 3:09 pm

I think he became a Zombie. Zombies eat brains.

Post by **Kiribell** » Sun Mar 27, 2005 3:49 pm

Dude...Im no fan of Christianity or any organized religion for that matter...And even though I can defintely see the humor here....this thread is just wrong!

Geezz Paul...It's their most sacred holiday for cryin out loud...

Post by **Paul3eb** » Sun Mar 27, 2005 4:46 pm

are you serious? why is it "just wrong"? and it's not entirely meant to be humorous. people often forget the humanity of jesus. he lived to be thirty-three years old and (depending on your belief system) was a man, a human, who lived and suffered and rejoiced as we all do today. too often we're blinded by the romantic idea of jesus and see him only at the sermon on the mount, at the wedding blessing the water/wine, walking on water, being taken off the cross, yada yada.. how much more we can get from his life and death if we remember that he lived and breathed as a human being (regardless of your religious/spiritual beliefs). one of his strongest suits was being able to relate to people's pains; he'd always say, 'yep, been there, done that, i feel you brother.' that's part of the relief that a christian is supposed to feel, the jesus knows their pain and suffering, their joy and happiness. so don't short-change jesus and make him less human than (i believe) he is.

that's just plain wrong to me.

Post by **busty** » Sun Mar 27, 2005 4:49 pm

Interesting thread.

Post by **Paul3eb** » Sun Mar 27, 2005 4:59 pm

Kiribell wrote:Geezz Paul...It's their most sacred holiday for cryin out loud...

and it's just a holiday. if they're focused on the day and not the meaning, then they're confused anyway. jesus didn't rise from the dead today, 27 march 2005. and i never said anything bad about jesus or christians.. you're the only one (well so far) that seems to have taken this thread negatively.

Post by **Kiribell** » Sun Mar 27, 2005 5:02 pm

What ever helps you sleep at night dude...

Post by **busty** » Sun Mar 27, 2005 5:04 pm

This thread reminds me of the question of whether Adam and Eve had belly buttons - it makes you think.

Post by **Sunshine** » Sun Mar 27, 2005 5:29 pm

South Park is "just wrong" too.

Post by **pigsteak** » Sun Mar 27, 2005 5:51 pm

I'll tackle the only one I have a sneaking answer for. As I understand it, after a person was crucified, the body was given to relatives so they could prepare it for tomb burial....hence, the shroud of Turin mystery (which I think is bunk, btw). so to answer your question, his body would have been cleansed and wrapped for a normal burial...

now, were you really serious about answers, or is that just a way to justify this thread?

btw, this doesn't offend me. I have always said, people who do not believe in the tenets of Christianity are in no way, shape or form bound by the same covenants and obligations that beleivers are bound too. likewise, christians have no right to judge people who are not of the same faith system...it is comparing apples and oranges.

as far as having to piss like a racehorse...if it was a normal death, he probably shit himself upon death. that probably relieved his body of that urge. plus, as the bible states, he was incredibly thirsty when hanging on the cross, so in all likelihood he was severely dehydrated when dead..probably not much pissing urge there.