I gotta spray...

[Clevis Hitch]

So I gotta spray about my home biscuit, Jordan...You know J. He's that tite-assed kid wangin with Anna. From Migles... any-haps. So we was out in the SR. I tol him about this sickassed proj I was wurkn on called Iron Man. A two pitch off width in off of cave fork. I says to him . I ll give you a go on it if you want to chance it but who knows what it'll be. Maybe strong.. He was game for it and off we go.

Now I want to say that I didn't think he had a shot becasue he's a sport wank and fluff-to-believe. This's some true hardass hes atempting. I think he'll get up to the "hard part" and back down cause thats what I did. It's a 30- foot runout to the sanctity of the "cave of Iron Man". My high point had put me within sight but not reach of that cave.(I had saw it upon a repel, though not in-large, beotches dont live like me live in large!!!!fag!!)


I had tried to do a ground up aid ascent but my heart failed me when I got to the run out. I made a deal with el diablo for some new gear that would take my aid ascent through the run out and into the cave. while I was waiting for the gear. I took Jordan out hoping that he would clear the spider webs off of my project, just in time to let my gear get in so I could get the FA. Little did I know that Jordan possesssed a little of something that is in short supply around here "Le couler dur" loosley translated it means "the hard balls" \

So he gets up to my high point. And when I say high point, I mean high point. Its one of those talking to God moments where you ask,"damn, how fucked am I?" I could die here.

I sees him and he places the right piece of gear but its the last placement for my rack. I got threes. thats all. 4,5,6 are on their way. this is wher I expcet him to bail(like I did, commoner that I am). And he scootches a little higher. Now wait a minute. You're above the last piece, which is a decsnet enough A.I.D. piece but now you've gone TOO FAR. (COME BACK TO US DUMB-ASS, IT WAS A JOKE!!!) HE scootches up a little more.

Now I'm at the First pitches anchors and twice shored up. I've got me daisies and I'm Cloved in short. As He goes further. I contemplate what I should do as he is getting out of my range of safe assimilation. I set my beer down on the ledge. I unhook the daisies. I loosen the clove to give me about twent feet of drop off of the anchors (proper) to simo-fall with him so as to keep him in space.(He's a fucker for putting me in this position as I am a respectable (not Here) father and provider,but I thank him for it. (lez esprite du tous). As he goes for it He's all flummoxed. His left shoulder is in tight like a puffer fish and he's searching for feet. Crimp Right. left foot on a check. right foot moving up. As he finds the edge that he wants. them smears/dashes his foot (toeing in hard, sport style against it.) It slips. I say ,"aawww shittt!!" He's gonna fall (never say fall, under any circumstances!) here he comes. But he swole up on the right side like a puffer fish and off-width stayed himself. I was like fuuuuuck!! Then I expected his dumb-ass to come down. But Nay, he goes up again with the right foot(sport wanker!!)
Scoootch
Scoootch
Go the feet.\
Till he finds some purchase.
Then he extends upward. Me with twenty feet out thinking I'm gonna be bringing back a body and looking for an explanation. He moves on. HE MOVES ON! (faggot-ass-faggot!)

Now don't forget me. No one has touched this rock since the beginning of mankind. I haven't cleaned it it for the masses. Its fresh! He moves on.
I do that little dance with the GriGri that belayers do going "oh shit.oh shit!" and he move on. He calls back down to me asking whats ahead beacuse he knows that I've seen it on repel. and I say that there is a cave above him to roll into. He pushes forward like alemming.(ghay ass ghay!!") and he nails my prom queen!!! He for real fucking sent it. My PROJECT! He took that away from me.Faggot.

[rjackson]

That is one seriously awe-inspiring line. Congrats to you and to J. Stumbled up to it at the beginning of the year and couldn't believe it already had a rope on it. Again, great work! And a fitting name too.

[dustonian]

sounds cool. any more cracks there?

[cliftongifford]

great story

[rjackson]

sounds cool. any more cracks there?

Not sure I would categorize Iron Man as a crack, more of a beastly wide dihedral...

[krampus]

damn man, you should be a writer for a mag somewhere. seriously, that was way more entertaining than most articles i read (actually most articles are too boring to read completely). There needs to be an anti PC mag where you don't have to worry about every ones feelings. I suppose that's the internet.

[dustonian]

Deadpoint

[JR]

Puffer fish!!!

[captain static]

Good to hear straight on adventure climbing is alive and well in RRG. Nice send.

[vertical1]

Nice job Jordan and Clevis. Great reading as well.