poop

[bentley]

http://www.deadpointmag.com/articles/vi ... -revulsion

Aaahhh feces. I love it. What can I say? I just love everything about it. It’s really the reason I took up climbing in the first place. More than any other group of outdoor recreationists, climbers gather in large groups in relatively small areas. This makes for a special treat because as my favorite book says: “Everyone Poops”. But even at popular climbing areas, piles of human excrement aren’t always that easy to find.

My travels in search of these elusive droppings have taken me to climbing areas all over our great country and throughout the world. Smith Rock is a bust. They have pit toilets at the crag. Same story at Rifle. North Carolina is pristine. Not enough people. Backcountry Colorado is too spread out as well and the droppings get dried up in the sun too easily. Hueco Tanks has toilets and hard rock surfaces that deter people. The Buttermilks are open and exposed creating an environment of embarrassment for those caught squatting. In Mexico people run for the baño to avoid wiping with a cactus and in Thailand you can only pee from your butt due to inevitable food borne illness.

I’d heard that the money spot was in Europe and so I booked my flight ASAP. Upon arrival I was not disappointed. My first hike up to Céüse had me rife with anticipation. It was such a majestic mountain top with a grassy slope riddled with wildflowers that dropped away from the cliff. The one hour hike up meant that most climber’s bowels were loosened by the time they arrived so they would scurry a few feet down the hill and drop their waste on the surface of the ground and then hastily cover it with a few scraps of pink, scented toilet tissue. How magnificent! They were beautiful flamingo streamers billowing in the wind that carried the delicious smell of naturally processed wine, cheese and baguettes. I had found what I thought to be my Mecca, until just recently.

Last week I took a trip to the Red River Gorge. I’ve been there before. Quite a bit actually. I’ve visited most of the popular crags and come up empty-handed every time. For the most part, the Red is a very pristine place. The woods are alive with rain and moss and flowing streams. Usually if someone buries a turd around there it is gone within a few weeks. This trip was about climbing only but I was pleasantly surprised when my dog ran up to me grinning and carrying that all too familiar odor. “Hey buddy, did you find something?” I asked. Oh had she ever. It was still caked in her teeth a little bit because, like me, sometimes she just can’t resist that delectable smell. “Good girl” I said. “Where’d you find it?”

What she would show me was beyond my wildest dreams. She led me into the woods just a few feet from the Bob Marley crag. There, scattered amongst the fallen leaves, were many different piles of human excrement. And that was just the beginning. Just beyond the rightmost route at the cliff was a ledge system that allowed prospective bottom bombers only so much passage before abruptly ending at a precipice. It was at this impasse that we found the true ‘motherload’. It brought a tear to my eye. In just one area were more poo piles than I saw on my entire trip to Europe. Each one was adorned with a tight turban of tissue that only partially disguised the dark, croissant-like coil beneath. Due to the overhanging nature of the cliff this area would never see sun, rain, wind, or any other devious natural element that would begin the decomposition process. They were perfectly preserved for eternity like mummies in a sarcophagus shrouded by a temple or in this case, one of our nation’s finest sport climbing walls.

My dog and I frolicked in the area and she snacked voraciously. It was more beautiful than a triple rainbow. Convincing my partners to go back to the same crag everyday was fruitless but it didn’t matter. Drive-By was a similar scene. The alcove beneath the Motherload was a jackpot. Gold Coast, Darkside, Muir Valley, you name it…there were exorbitant amounts of human feces left entirely uncovered except for the requisite TP topping.

All great trips must come to an end so on my last day at the Red I hiked up to what may be the prettiest rock face in the country. The Table of Colors wall is unrivaled in its beauty. Streaks of iron oxide run electric currents through the orange, red, and brown Corbin sandstone. I stood there alone, pondering its majesty, sniffing the breeze in hopes of catching a faint whiff of doo-doo but the air was clear. Touching the wall one last time, I dropped my pants and shat at the base. I wiped once with a golden maple leaf, raised my drawers, and walked away…

Author’s Note:
Were you offended by this story? Was it kind of disgusting? I promise that you weren’t nearly as offended as I was after my recent trip to the Red. What was once an obscure backwater climbing area has turned into an international destination shitshow. In just five years the Red has gone from relatively unknown to what some call, “the best crag in the world”. If this pace keeps up in another five years we won’t be able to stand the stench. I saw the mess and I looked around at the crag for the culprit and I saw hundreds of ….us. All of us. Please take the time to drink an extra cup of coffee and take care of business at Miguel’s. Or if you have an emergency, take the time to walk way out in the woods and dig a deep hole. The Red River Gorge is without a doubt one of the most beautiful and unique climbing areas in the world. Let’s all agree to not treat it like a toilet. And for the record: I did not shit on Table of Colors.

[Meadows]

"More beautiful than a triple rainbow"

[One-Fall]

Isn't there an environmentally friendly substance that can speed the decomposition of feces? Anyone know?

[toad857]

Isn't there an environmentally friendly substance that can speed the decomposition of feces? Anyone know?

that is not the solution.

[bcombs]

It is Vapoorize:

[gripster]

Yeah, they are called dogs. I think they can serve as a crashpad as well, or so I have heard. During my most recent visit to the RRG I too was shocked to see how much shit had appeared everywhere under overhangs, even at the bases of many popular routes, breathtaking (literally). I also noticed for the first time a friendly little reminder at Muir Valley that read "Please do not pee under overhangs, rainwater in not able to refresh the soil here" or something to that effect. Perhaps a similar sign at some of the popular crags around the PMRP could help to remind everyone of this no-shit concept (pun intended).

[toad857]

Two potential effects from this article:

1) The climbing community at large (euros, locals, whoever) hears that the red is being shat on and needs some real help.

2) The climbing community at large (euros, locals, whoever) hears that the red is a toilet. "Guess we can just shit anywhere, huh?"

I fear #2....

[allah]

Post this message at Miguels! the majority of the people that read this thread already know of these problems at the cliffs in the area. This type of message is posted atleast 3 or 4 times a year it seems, it might not be a bad idea to make up fliers for every fall season and hand them out on busy weekends or something.

[Shamis]

The only long term solution is toilets, either porta crappers or outhouses. You can keep fooling yourselves into thinking people will improve their behavior, but there will always be some percentage of climbers that will make a mess, and as the volume of visitors to the red increases, so will the poo.

[One-Fall]

Isn't there an environmentally friendly substance that can speed the decomposition of feces? Anyone know?

that is not the solution.

Toad857: I can either hope that people learn not shit next to routes (how is that working out, again?) or I can try to do something about it at the crags I visit.

As a kid, one of my friend's parents would put some substance on the dog poop in there back yard, and in a few days, it was pretty much gone. No idea what it was though.