sweet jesus

[dingo]

so.. after jesus came back to life, a few questions:

-would you be a little freaked out?!
-did he have to piss like a racehorse or what?
-did he have terrible breath or did he just pop a mint (or nibble on some twigs)?
-did they bury him in the same clothes he had on him when he died on the cross? cause.. that'd be kind of gross. he was up there for a few days and lord knows he probably had to drop the kids off.. and there was definitely no pool..
-was jesus really ugly?
-did he have trouble getting it up afterwards? his sex life died long before he ever got nailed.. but i mean, he did go through puberty and all. what sort of dreams do you think he had when he had wet dreams? think he dreamed about mary (the hot one, the one that put out)?

these are all (semi)serious questions. any answers?

since puck asked me what I thought of these questions, I'll try to answer. Honestly, I can only answer the first with any seriousness. If I was there when He came back, I would be freaked out just as the disciples did, but once they understood what was happening, they rejoiced.

Did he have piss? Well, I think someone already answered this pretty well. He was very thirsty on the cross so it is likely He was dehydrated. But at the same time, we have no idea what the human body does once resurrected. that applies to His breath also.

As for His clothes, the guards took all his clothes and cast lots for them. so He may only have had a loin cloth/underwear left. He is the Son of God so why couldn't He change clothes after He rose?

Ugly? What does it matter? ugly naturally or ugly from all the beatings He took before His death? If it was ugly from the beatings, I don't know if that would have healed. Jesus offered to Thomas for him to put his hands in Jesus's side and the holes in His hands, so those didn't heal, did the rest of His wounds heal? No idea.

And now for the sex question. I have no idea. He did take on a human body, so that would imply everything that comes with the male body, but He was also able to resist all temptation. I have never seen good evidence that Jesus was married or had a girlfriend etc. REgardless, I have no idea. Does it make me question my faith? No.

[Paul3eb]

this thread was supposed to die silently.. but since you've brought it back up, alright.

Toad, so what if god is imperfect? why does he have have to be?

dingo, you ask what does it matter if he was ugly? i ask because i wonder how many people would follow him if he looked like the guy in the middle of this pic:

and in case people took it this way or are still taking it this way, please realize this point of this post had nothing to do with actual answers to those questions.

[Alan Evil]

I don't think I said it before but I still get extremely tickled whenever I read the first post in this thread.

It seems as if half this country is looking for a reason to be offended. I'm just glad you're there to offend them, Paul.

[ynot]

That aint god.It's Larry the cable guy.

[Zspider]

I don't think I said it before but I still get extremely tickled whenever I read the first post in this thread.

It seems as if half this country is looking for a reason to be offended. I'm just glad you're there to offend them, Paul.

And the really great thing about being offensive is that it requires so little intelligence!

ZSpider

[Paul3eb]

..and even less to be offended.

[Toad]

Toad, so what if god is imperfect? why does he have have to be?

Uhhh. I think you read read my post imperfectly. Try, try again. While you are at it, and since you started the thread, please realize that it is common to spell God with an upper case "G".

Just saying.

[Paul3eb]

Uhhh. I think you read read my post imperfectly. Try, try again. While you are at it, and since you started the thread, please realize that it is common to spell God with an upper case "G".

Just saying.

oh i do. and please notice it's not common for me to put anything in upper case.. just yesterday i was regretting that i had capitalized the "p" of paul3eb. "god" means a few different things and one of the factors that helps distinguish those meanings is the capitalization. it was a conscious choice.. and as for reading your post imperfectly, perhaps it's because digitized conversation doesn't convey sarcasm or, for that matter, any emotion very well. so please say what you meant exactly. i still present the question, though, why does go have to be perfect?

god, i love being talked down to!

[Paul3eb]

am i the only one that thinks this whole thing has become absolutely ridiculous?!

[Toad]

nobody is talking down to you. you may be simply taking a neutral question and adding your own twist.

is perfect and imperfect absolute in your terms, or are they human perceptions?