RRC Archives

Kato's Question: My question was (and still is) this: it seems peculiar that people are very willing to take very personal needs to a relative stranger rather than people they know very intimately.

Kato, thanks for replying. I didn't take offense to any of your comments.

It is odd that a "stranger" can help us many times when our intimate mate cannot. However, this seems to be the way it's most effective. People go to counsellors for treatment, go to college for study, etc. all of who are strangers but they go.
Firstly, by "too close" Gretchen means there is too much baggage that goes along with what the person wants to work on.
For instance: I cannot teach my wife to climb better because she may relate to it as "You're a better climber than me and therefore you are more worthy as a person" type thinking. The Ego is responsible for this flaw but since we all have big Egos that get offended, treatment works better when someone without emotional connection (stranger) does the training.

Secondly, our mate as well as a stranger will judge us. This is a bit unfortunate but just the way we seem to be. Judgement is less threatening coming from a stranger than from a mate. And, if the stranger can be very accepting and less judgemental, the training flows beautifully.
Does this help? arno

Exactly! When I constantly run into the same mental road block and I am five feet off the ground, cussing like a truck, Bryan would become very silent. He internalized my frustration as a personal attack directed at him where in my reality I am beating the hell out of myself and had no intention to "harm" Bryan. So we did have to take a step back and I had to learn how to climb with other people. That really openned more doors to me. I still have plenty of barriers but my climbing relationship with Bryan has significantly openned and improved since I ventured out of what little comfort zone that I had by trusting other people to climb with.

When climbing with Bryan initially I certainly felt judged by him being that I was a lousy climber and he is so fluid, strong body & mind. SO naturally comparative thinking crept in and poisoned my mind and confidence! I no longer climbed because I like to, I "climbed" 'cause I had to. I actually go to the point where I was going to stop all together, wlak away and take up somethingelse. I am glad that I didn't! This year I am openning new doors. I actually have started all over again from the beginning. I took a good 4-5 month break, I am totally out of shape, I suck but I am happy off the ground! But I can't wait to work with Arno!!!

Hey Gretchen, if you ever wanna climb with me sometime, just let me know...it would be a blast to spend the day with you!

I want to play, too, Chester and Gretchen! I think our abilities are well matched, and certainly it would NOT be boring conversation!!

Gretchen, don't forget to PM me with the details on Arno's Derbyfest deal.

Anytime Ladies!!! Well I guess we have to wait on Lynne to mend! Chester what are you doing this weekend???? I need a partner. Bry may have the kids again.

GREAT NEWS! Arno is going to run at Derbyfest:
Saturday: Women's clinic
Sunday: Open to everyone clinic

So Lynne Plan on attending the Saturday one! Unfortunately I have a wedding to go to that day so I am already talking to Arno about setting up a day to climb with him in Tennesse (yippee!)

watch out for the tornados!

Arno;
Yeah, that makes alot of sense. It seems that in a good relationship one should be the least threatened by the ones they are closest to, but in reality I know it is often the opposite. I wouldn't mind taking a class in how to appear less judgmental. Sometimes even voicing support can come across poorly. Forgive me if I seem out of line.
Having said that, I may look into taking one of these WW classes. Is there a Saturday slot open at Derbyfest?

Gretchen, I have to work it out for Saturday since I was planning for Sunday w/childcare, but it shouldn't be a problem as long as I can climb at all. I'll let you know. COOL!

Kato, get the cute top from Horatio and join us ladies!

Kato. I think there are plenty of openings at the moment for the saturday ww women's class. Gretchen would know better than I.
Thanks for your interest.
arno

There's room for Kato and I have a really cute sportsbra for him to wear!