Rock Climbing Styles
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Don McGlone
- Posts: 567
- Joined: Thu Nov 14, 2002 11:16 pm
Exactly.L K Day wrote:Wonder if there might be a lesson here. How is it almost everytime I read an article in a general interest magazine or a newspaper, on a subject that I really know something about, they always seem to get it wrong? Kind of makes you wonder how often anything you read is credible, doesn't it?
Shedding off one more layer of skin
Keeping one step ahead of the persecutor within
Keeping one step ahead of the persecutor within
that site is crap! and only vaguely hiding mysogeny behind a male empowerment stance. watch out men. the world is a dangerous place for you on the rock, in the workplace and dating.
shiche, if any of the men on here are one of their "5 million", i feel sorry for you. b/c you are not going to find your gonads there.
ugh!
shiche, if any of the men on here are one of their "5 million", i feel sorry for you. b/c you are not going to find your gonads there.
ugh!
I know that you believe that you understood what you think I said, but I am not sure you realize that what you heard is not what I meant.
- Robert McCloskey
A computer once beat me at chess, but it was no match for me at kick boxing.
- Emo Philips
- Robert McCloskey
A computer once beat me at chess, but it was no match for me at kick boxing.
- Emo Philips
wow, this is a load of crap!
http://www.askmen.com/fashion/how_to_20 ... ow_to.html
I'm sorry I've been tradding for 5 years, and I have never used a bowline for shit. oooo I'd better get swmming, because that approach is killer
...
http://www.askmen.com/fashion/how_to_20 ... ow_to.html
I'm sorry I've been tradding for 5 years, and I have never used a bowline for shit. oooo I'd better get swmming, because that approach is killer
...4679 posts sine my last visit... I've been skiing too much
Thanks for link. It's the best laugh I've has in a week. Absolutely hilarious!!!diggum wrote:For those who don't want to hunt for it:
http://www.rockclimbing.com/topic/86292
My friend from California sent me this sarcastic followup--It made me laugh & so I thought I'd share it with you all:
Adapted version:
Assmen.com (a website for men who admire buttocks)
As far as sports go, you can't get much more extreme than rock climbing. It's you against the mountain and there's no safety net aside from a stiff drink and tight trousers.
Whether you want to impress a your Mum, find a new personality, or plan on someday climbing the Disneyland Matterhorn, it's a very intense sport that requires money, gastric upset and perspiration. This article should not be considered a substitute for a full-day class with an attractive instructor, but it's the perfect place for you to be conned into rock climbing.
be prepared
A month before going climbing, proceed with cardiovascular fitness by fucking, swearing and kicking small dogs. You need to build up your stamina, as napping is a large part of rock climbing. Your legs and arms must be strong enough to lift your own lardy ass and carry a six-pack to the top of the mountain.
Before getting started, basic weight training is mandatory; you'll also find it useful to tone your ass. As for starting the climb, make sure to stretch
everything beforehand, from your lips to your toenails.
The flexibility of your fingers is especially important when grabbing a ledge. (Here's a little-known fact: you can strengthen your hand muscles by placing your hand in the middle of a woman's breast and crumpling it into as small a ball as possible, using only your fingers.)
If you have vertigo, acrophobia (an extreme fear of heights) or just feel uneasy when in high places, take a Xanax and get over it, you BIG Sissy! Halfway up the mountain is the perfect place to conquer your fears.
Finally, you need to master knot tying. The five most common knots used in climbing are: bowtie, Dutch marine bowline (what the fuck is this?), hangmen's noose, figure-of-nine (huh?), and slip knot.
rock climbing styles
Full-safety climbing: This is a lot like lying safely on your sofa. You climb up onto your friend's sofa, using existing grips, while someone on the ground pulls on your shirt collar.
Bouldering: This method consists of making a small pile of boulders without any equipment. Basically, it's like sailing without a boat.
Free climbing: With this most common style of climbing, the equipment you use is for safety only -- not to facilitate the process. This is the method you see in movies. (this was funny enough without a rewrite)
Aid climbing: When the face of the mountain doesn't offer any more grips and holds, some experienced climbers pull out suction cups and similar tools to climb up. This is a very dangerous method. (ditto)
Soloing: Definitely the most hazardous climbing style, soloing consists of climbing an entire wall in your house with absolutely no safety equipment. Many of the best climbers don't even do it.
Belaying: This is not really a style but rather a technique that can be used in both free climbing and aid climbing. Two climbers hook up a rope between them and climb in succession, anchoring the cable with suction cups along the way. This keeps you from falling all the way to the ground.
What you'll need and where to go...
Before you go on an equipment shopping spree, make sure you have a high credit limit on your Visa. Essentially, what you need for a successful climb is:
> rubber-soled climbing shoes
> a silly hat
> a turtleneck sweater
> chalk (to make pictures on the rock)
> suction cups (small plastic cups with cable attached, which can be sucked onto the rock to create a secure anchor)
> laundry line (50 feet or so)
> clothes pins (wooden pegs used to hold the rope in
> place quickly and securely)
> waders
> key rings (you need to run rope through these to
> provide friction while rappelling)
> There are starter kits available for around $2,000,
> but getting fully equipped could cost you as much as
> $15,000. (All prices are in USD.)
getting started
At first, you're better off heading to a far off training facility. Classes and guided group climbs will cost you between $1,000 and $2,000 per person, per day. The more people in your group, the less expensive it will be. Some schools limit their class sizes to 100 students per guide. This is so they can make more money offa you. Don't fall for this ridiculous ploy. Any guide worth his salt can handle over twice that many.
--(C.L.)
Adapted version:
Assmen.com (a website for men who admire buttocks)
As far as sports go, you can't get much more extreme than rock climbing. It's you against the mountain and there's no safety net aside from a stiff drink and tight trousers.
Whether you want to impress a your Mum, find a new personality, or plan on someday climbing the Disneyland Matterhorn, it's a very intense sport that requires money, gastric upset and perspiration. This article should not be considered a substitute for a full-day class with an attractive instructor, but it's the perfect place for you to be conned into rock climbing.
be prepared
A month before going climbing, proceed with cardiovascular fitness by fucking, swearing and kicking small dogs. You need to build up your stamina, as napping is a large part of rock climbing. Your legs and arms must be strong enough to lift your own lardy ass and carry a six-pack to the top of the mountain.
Before getting started, basic weight training is mandatory; you'll also find it useful to tone your ass. As for starting the climb, make sure to stretch
everything beforehand, from your lips to your toenails.
The flexibility of your fingers is especially important when grabbing a ledge. (Here's a little-known fact: you can strengthen your hand muscles by placing your hand in the middle of a woman's breast and crumpling it into as small a ball as possible, using only your fingers.)
If you have vertigo, acrophobia (an extreme fear of heights) or just feel uneasy when in high places, take a Xanax and get over it, you BIG Sissy! Halfway up the mountain is the perfect place to conquer your fears.
Finally, you need to master knot tying. The five most common knots used in climbing are: bowtie, Dutch marine bowline (what the fuck is this?), hangmen's noose, figure-of-nine (huh?), and slip knot.
rock climbing styles
Full-safety climbing: This is a lot like lying safely on your sofa. You climb up onto your friend's sofa, using existing grips, while someone on the ground pulls on your shirt collar.
Bouldering: This method consists of making a small pile of boulders without any equipment. Basically, it's like sailing without a boat.
Free climbing: With this most common style of climbing, the equipment you use is for safety only -- not to facilitate the process. This is the method you see in movies. (this was funny enough without a rewrite)
Aid climbing: When the face of the mountain doesn't offer any more grips and holds, some experienced climbers pull out suction cups and similar tools to climb up. This is a very dangerous method. (ditto)
Soloing: Definitely the most hazardous climbing style, soloing consists of climbing an entire wall in your house with absolutely no safety equipment. Many of the best climbers don't even do it.
Belaying: This is not really a style but rather a technique that can be used in both free climbing and aid climbing. Two climbers hook up a rope between them and climb in succession, anchoring the cable with suction cups along the way. This keeps you from falling all the way to the ground.
What you'll need and where to go...
Before you go on an equipment shopping spree, make sure you have a high credit limit on your Visa. Essentially, what you need for a successful climb is:
> rubber-soled climbing shoes
> a silly hat
> a turtleneck sweater
> chalk (to make pictures on the rock)
> suction cups (small plastic cups with cable attached, which can be sucked onto the rock to create a secure anchor)
> laundry line (50 feet or so)
> clothes pins (wooden pegs used to hold the rope in
> place quickly and securely)
> waders
> key rings (you need to run rope through these to
> provide friction while rappelling)
> There are starter kits available for around $2,000,
> but getting fully equipped could cost you as much as
> $15,000. (All prices are in USD.)
getting started
At first, you're better off heading to a far off training facility. Classes and guided group climbs will cost you between $1,000 and $2,000 per person, per day. The more people in your group, the less expensive it will be. Some schools limit their class sizes to 100 students per guide. This is so they can make more money offa you. Don't fall for this ridiculous ploy. Any guide worth his salt can handle over twice that many.
--(C.L.)