Unsolicited Training Advice, Part IV: Efficiency

[Horatio Felacio]

When confronted with efficiency problems, I often find that a no-hands kneebar and/or ledge will often help recovery. These 'no hand' rests will typically allow the complete recovery of the forearms. This is especially beneficial when you have completed the most difficult moves of a route or boulder problem (the technical crux as some may say), and require "endurance" for the final set of moves to clip the anchors and/or reach the finishing grips. For training purposes, i find that it is often helpful to lower to the ground when your forearms are tired, or "pumped". This allows one to recover and "de-pump", which is usually helpful to continue to the anchors if you are having trouble. In the gym I practice this technique by having the belayer or spotter, take all of my body weight onto his/her rope/arms/penis, and allowing me to "rest". In turn, this "rest" allows me to recover strength and/or tightness.

I would also suggest moving to Idaho in the new millenium. For those of you wondering, the new "millineum" will occur in four hours from the 365th day of the last year in this millineum (2000). This will allow ample time for reflection and erection in the year of our lord. Many souls will be counted, but few will be saved. This is the proclomation of the Revelations. 144,000 will battle the Evilness and it's warriors. One such warrior will be the pussy. Pussies include: Odub, JR, SCIN, Artsay, and Andrew. They will die a fiery and miserable ending in honor of thy lord. In effect, Idaho allows one's soul to reimbrace the sinister proclamations made by the one who authors our guidebooks in the red river gorge. Ray. Ray will consume your souls and show them in his garden while taking pictures for his "next edition".

In order to maximize efficiency and pussy, I would also recommend that one (being the reader of this) undertake a strict regimen laden with mulch, bitumen, and humboldt. This is obviously an analogy for the dumb faggots reading this. Mulch represents rainbow rock. Bitumen must be consumed. HUMBOLDT stands for Homo-faggot-ass-bitch Under My Butthole On the Lords Day Titty-fuck. The acronym speaks of itself, and may be used with proper citations.

Many have spoken of the day, and the day is spoken of in itself. The day and the deed are done, by the one that is. The penis is then sacrificed to the one and the day and the deed. The penis is therfore the one and the always. Many will speak of the in-effiiciency that this calls upon, but the meek shall inherit the earth. By "earth", I, of course, mean "norbikone". This storm will reek of manure. This manure will stink of triumph. This triumph will be false, and this false god will be of our own making. You shall all be disabled in the sense of self. None will be saved, and all shall perish in the confusing sense of humility.

In order to establish a strict sense of self (aka, to maximize efficiency en route), many will require a bulb. By "bulb" i of course mean something that shall be planted, then bloom, in order to be harvested or looked upon with great disdain. This disdain will be arched in the form of god, angels, and death. This death shall be permanent, such as our own self-worth, self-preservation, and life. We have no life without our own judgement, except for the majority of those that judge ourselves according to others. Others make our existence, and many will say that this judgment is wrong. But what is wrong? Our souls are one and unique, and we should all do according to our own minds, unless we are wrong.

I guess what I am saying is that most people are pussies. We listen to others opinions about what is right, what is wrong, what dogs should be doing outdoors, where to defecate, who to fuck, what to eat, where to rest, what is on, what is off, who is right, who is wrong. Go fuck yourself.

[Saxman]

So I shouldn't have listened to Pawilkes when he told me to fuck Caribe? No wonder my climbing sucks. Thanks Ho!

[Wes]

The first of the "training series" that I have read all the way through....

[ahab]

Others make our existence, and many will say that this judgment is wrong. But what is wrong? Our souls are one and unique, and we should all do according to our own minds, unless we are wrong.

when i realized this, my climbing bumped up by 2 number grades.

[caribe]

Matt, the next time the Jehovah's Witlesses knock, don't let them in.

[caribe]

We listen to others opinions about what is right, what is wrong, what dogs should be doing outdoors, where to defecate, who to fuck, what to eat, where to rest, what is on, what is off, who is right, who is wrong. Go fuck yourself.

1) Communication is the purpose of this site.
2) Your epistle is internally contradictory. If I heed it I have to ignore you and go on quaking to the rest of the kittens and listen to them quaking (er . . . or meowing) relentlessly at me.
3) Displays of power and aplomb that I have seen in the Red make me question our use of sexist language (pussy, sally etc) in reference to the weakness.

[maine]

You can always make me laugh Mr Nasty!

[ynot]

Take your meds and thou shall see the light!!!!

[Barnacle Ben]

I thought we were all supposed to pick between Boulder and Vegas.

[Shamis]

The first of the "training series" that I have read all the way through....

Same here. Which is shocking on a number of levels.