Jokes and jokes and jokes

Movies, music, food, blood, dogs, Horatio.....
heidiramma
Posts: 738
Joined: Sun Jan 07, 2007 2:46 pm

Post by heidiramma »

MARIJUANA FILLED FIREWOOD -

'Hello, is this the Sheriff's Office?'

'Yes. What can I do for you?'

'I'm calling to report 'bout my neighbor Virgil Smith...He's hidin'
Marijuana inside his firewood! Don't quite know how he gets it inside them logs, but he's hidin' it there..'

'Thank you very much for the call, sir.'

The next day, twelve Sheriff's Deputies descend on Virgil's house. They
search the shed where the firewood is kept.

Using axes, they bust open every piece of wood, but find no marijuana.
They sneer at Virgil and leave.

Shortly, the phone rings at Virgil's house.

'Hey, Virgil! This here's Floyd.....Did the Sheriff come?'

'Yeah!'

'Did they chop your firewood?'

'Yep!'

'Happy Birthday, buddy!'

(Rednecks know how to git-R-dun).
The best years of your life are the ones in which you decide your problems are your own.
You do not blame them on your mother, the ecology, or the president.
You realize that you control your own destiny.

Albert Ellis
Crankmas
Posts: 3961
Joined: Wed Jan 15, 2003 5:24 pm

Post by Crankmas »

new tax on aspirin...


its white and it works
TradMike
Posts: 1173
Joined: Thu Nov 07, 2002 2:57 am

Post by TradMike »

This blonde breaks down on the side of the highway and goes to her trunk and takes out two life size cardboard cutouts of two naked men dressed in trench coats. After many cars passing and honking a patrolman pulls up and gets out and ask the lady what the hell she was doing with two naked cardboard cutouts.

Duh - emergency flashers!
Last edited by TradMike on Sat Mar 21, 2009 12:35 am, edited 1 time in total.
TradMike
Posts: 1173
Joined: Thu Nov 07, 2002 2:57 am

Post by TradMike »

On the other hand I have 5 different fingers
TradMike
Posts: 1173
Joined: Thu Nov 07, 2002 2:57 am

Post by TradMike »

This naked blonde walk into a bar with a poodle under one arm and a two foot salami under the other. The bartender says I guess you won't be needing a drink.
TradMike
Posts: 1173
Joined: Thu Nov 07, 2002 2:57 am

Post by TradMike »

Whoa, I need to stop joking. Have you ever said something and then it kind of comes true?

http://www.freep.com/article/20090320/N ... th+assault
_Rasputin
Posts: 110
Joined: Wed Jan 14, 2009 6:28 pm

Post by _Rasputin »

George Bush, Donald Rumsfeld, and Condoleezza Rice are sitting in the oval office circa 2006.

Bush: “We’all got to figer out this Iraq war thingy. I mean we’ze all smart people here right? Like you Condy, where’d you go to college?â€
My baloney has a first name.
anticlmber
Posts: 3393
Joined: Wed Jun 18, 2003 12:34 am

Post by anticlmber »

why do women like old gynecologists??

shaky hands.


whats the smartes thing to ever come out of a woman's mouth??

einstien's dick.


what do they call that useless flap of skin on the end of a penis??

a man.
Like me on facebook but hate me in real life
Jay
Posts: 498
Joined: Fri Oct 05, 2007 1:17 pm

Post by Jay »

Couldn't decide if this belonged in the link thread or the joke thread, so here you go:

http://www.helenkellersimulator.com/
"Always carry a large flagon of whiskey in case of snakebite and furthermore always carry a small snake." -W.C. Fields
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krampus
Posts: 3933
Joined: Tue Dec 26, 2006 9:31 am

Post by krampus »

nice
How you compare may not be as important as to whom you are compared
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