Chuck Norris facts

Post by **Ballss** » Tue Dec 27, 2005 8:30 pm

Chuck Norris doesn't read books. He stares them down until he gets the information he wants.

Post by **Ballss** » Tue Dec 27, 2005 8:50 pm

Chuck Norris once ate three 72 oz. steaks in one hour. He spent the first 45 minutes having sex with his waitress.

Post by **pigsteak** » Tue Dec 27, 2005 8:59 pm

chuck norris sells some lame "home gym".

total sell out, not a stud.

Post by **alien2** » Tue Dec 27, 2005 9:09 pm

Chuck Norris’s girlfriend once asked him how much wood a woodchuck could chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood. He then shouted, “HOW DARE YOU RHYME IN THE PRESENCE OF CHUCK NORRIS!” and ripped out her throat. Holding his girlfriend’s bloody throat in his hand he bellowed, “Don’t fuck with Chuck!” Two years and five months later he realized the irony of this statement and laughed so hard that anyone within a hundred mile radius of the blast went deaf.

Chuck Norris is currently suing NBC, claiming Law and Order are trademarked names for his left and right legs.

One of the greatest cover-ups of the last century was the fact that Hitler did not commit suicide in his bunker, but was in fact tea-bagged to death by Chuck Norris.

Post by **littleboxes15** » Tue Dec 27, 2005 9:37 pm

Finally a post I can respond to.

Chuck Norris can eat a Rubix Cube and poop it out solved.

Chuch Norris is the only male human to ever give birth. His child Vin Diesel

Contrary to popular belief, Chuck Norris was dropped at Hiroshima and Nagasaki

Chuck Norris recently decided to sell his urine as a canned beverage. We know that beverage as Red Bull

Post by **littleboxes15** » Tue Dec 27, 2005 9:47 pm

Wait I've got more.

Chuck Norris found out about Connan O'Brien's lever that shows clips of "Walker Texas Ranger" and is working on a way to make it show clips of Norris having sex with Connan's wife.

Chuck Norris's tears cure cancer. Too bad he has never cried.

Chuck Norris took my virginity and he will sure as hell take yours too. If you're thinking to yourself "That's impossible. I already lost my virginity" then you're DEAD WRONG.

Post by **Legion** » Fri Dec 30, 2005 5:35 pm

Chuck Norris does not hunt because the word hunting infers the probability of failure. Chuck Norris goes killing.

The chief export of Chuck Norris is pain.

Chuck Norris counted to infinity - twice.

Post by **Eric** » Fri Dec 30, 2005 6:13 pm

Chuck Norris sold his soul to the devil for his rugged good looks and unparalleled martial arts ability. Shortly after the transaction was finalized, Chuck roundhouse kicked the devil in the face and took his soul back. The devil, who appreciates irony, couldn't stay mad and admitted he should have seen it coming. They now play poker every second Wednesday of the month.

Post by **Eric** » Fri Dec 30, 2005 7:59 pm

Chuck Norris doesn’t use a razor to shave in the morning, he roundhouse kicks himself in the face… because the only thing hard enough to cut Chuck Norris, is Chuck Norris.

Chuck Norris solo-ed Everest in shorts and a tank-top.

Rocks learn from Chuck Norris on how to be rocks.

Before e-mail was invented, Chuck Norris would attatch messages to kittens and roundhouse them.

Post by **Meadows** » Fri Dec 30, 2005 8:08 pm

I bet he has a tiny penis.